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2005.03.29
My Last Entry... All good things must come to an end. I will really miss the sweet simplicity of blogdrive, but it can no longer be my primary online journal. The Black Journal will still be around of course, not like anyone knew/knows about it. Yea, there's a link to it on the side of the page. Full of my poems and songs I've written if anyone's interested. Ok, it totally feels like that one song should be playing...the one they play on New Year's...starts with Auld...something something?? anyone?? Or, "Na na na na, Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" That's pathetic.
I'll be saving this of course for the memories. I wrote some deep stuff in here. Much Love <3
::.Mélawen.:: www.xanga.com/pumpkinqueen713 2005.03.25
see-saw swingin' blah blah blah...no one reads this so why do i bother? *scroll down to the blue to skip my speeches on life and why i hate peopleand read my life update* i really hope egg dyes are non-toxic because i was definately biting my nails, now multi-colored from the egg dye. yes, we still dye easter eggs. though it doesn't instill as much thrill as it did 5 years ago, it is still an awesome tradition i will probably still be doing in college. yep, once a freak, always a freak, for the rest of my life. speaking of life, i was thinking that, i really don't want to be old. i don't want to be all wrinkley and helpless. i'd rather die young and fufilled. what's the point in life anyways? learn stuff, get a job, get married, have some kids, retire, spoil some grandchildren and attend all your friends's funerals, depending on who dies first. when you look at the big picture, life sucks. but of course, on the small scale, there's happiness, love, fun, excitement. once again, that's only the good half. on the other hand, you've got death, hatred, killing, disgust, anguish. once again, life sucks. ok, someone randomly im-ed me. they probably got my sn from my xanga. i should definately take that off, because random im's are friggin' annoying. especially this person. first, it was a friendly random conversation: "hey i like that song too" (a fall out boy song in my away message) "oh yea it's great"..."do you have the acoustic version?" "nope" "you are sick...you call yourself a fan?" then, my favorite: "you're fat...and ugly" and then they just kept coming! i was playing along for quite awhile, then i was just like, this is frickin ridiculous, why am i sinking to thier level of immaturity? honestly, if i'm "fat", they must be a 2 foot tall midget, because i don't even weigh 100 pounds! whatever. people can be so...naive. *here i go on a big schpeel about people* i hate people. most people. there are only a few people that i can actually stand. even some of the people i'm friends with i couldn't hang out with. i think i just have a habit of attracting people i don't like but can never get enough of me. for example, alyssa. the most annoying person i have known to date. i'm constantly trying to avoid her as much as possible, and i do say things that would be degrading to most, but still, she sticks to me like frucking crazy glue. as for guys, what in the hell makes me so attractive to all the wrong guys? i don't like just messing around once or twice, i'm not promiscious, i don't like a lot of sexual/flirty attention from a lot of guys. one is enough. i'd rather have friends, thankyouverymuch. now for the update on my life...this will be quick...I GOT CONVERSE! yea!! they're black with purple inside and totally awesome! and i got 2 capris...some weird ones and some dickies...and a rainbow brite shirt! and it's great. i saw todd's friend in blockbuster, then his cell phone rang, and it was todd. it was quite ironic. he better call me sometime...and that was my friday. oh, and my driving progress: ok, i'm getting better, but i suck at parking. out of the 3 times i parked today, 1st time: i parked really crooked, 2nd: in the middle of 2 spaces, and 3rd: that was perfect. i am so great. *sigh*...i think i'll go to bed or something. nothing else to do, nor to say. yey spring break...whatever. i'm bored as hell and it's only friday. this is the one time i wish i had more friends here. or, more time in illinois. much...nothing <3 ::.mélawen.:: 2005.03.23
/make/my\day\ today was retarded.  usually wednesdays are good, with the sleeping in and only 3 classes bit. but today was fugly.it started out ok, did wake up with a headache, which quickly faded. 4th hour, then seminar we got ice cream! and though it was supposed to be "silent reading time", steph, chrissy & i just talked and made fun of schriber. sorry schriber, but it's all too easy. 5th hour goes by...before 6th hour lauren tells me kyle dumped her!  wtf! yea, we knew they wouldn't last long, but things between them were looking good. maybe kyle got some sense knocked into him. err. then, 6th hour, i find that our test won't be tomorrow as i had hoped to get it over with before break, but the tuesday after we come back. i will totally forget everything over that week. i'll come back all, "world war what?" yea. and then my bus got abducted again, so at first i was all "yey get to ride todd's bus home again!" no, it's snowing outside, not walking home. had to wait for bus 13.while waiting, i find stephanie, who informs me of the bass line for florida- she's on bass 1, so i'm on bass 2. someone kill me now. mr lewis, please get hit by a car so i don't have to kill you myself. it would make my life much more easier. oh, and that thursday before we leave for florida- we're having band practice.  it wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have to be back at the school at frickin' 2:30 in the morning on friday! so if i just decide to "forget" because i'll be sleeping, that's ok with me, and hopefully everyone else.i really just want to scream right now. DAMNATION!!! life is gay. at least we only have one more day left of school, then a lovely week & a day off. which is going to be spent not memorizing band music for florida. maybe i should start practicing snare some more so mr lewis can see i am good at it. or maybe it wouldn't even be worth it, because mr lewis hates me. i know it. i should ask him tomorrow- "mr lewis, do you hate me?" "heh, samantha, i don't hate you, what would make you think that?" "well, first of all, i do wish to be called samm thankyouverymuch, secondly, you haven't done anything but degrade me since i joined this band." then i will proceed to take the hammer out of the percussion cabinet and knock him unconcious. from there, i'm not sure what i'll do. maybe throw his body in a lake. a frozen lake, so the rest of his body can match the temperature of his COLD heart. ha. sonofamonkeywhore. my mom even said he is a jerk in general. really going to go now before i get really graphic...american idol is on tonight, but they have to do a re-vote because someone was retarded and showed the wrong numbers. i hope they were fired. much damnation <3 ::.mélawen.:: 2005.03.22
time after time ok, i have a little time before i must go shower & get to bed. you're lucky i get to sleep in tomorrow morning.  (to all you p-villians: HA! school doesn't start until 11 on wednesdays! this is the ONLY thing i like about clarkston)i have Kelly Clarkson's Since You've Been Gone in my head. and the song Constantine just sang to me- I think I love you! ok, he wasn't singing to me specificaly, but a girl can dream, right?  still have to call in & vote for him...1 866 IDOLS 07!!yesturday i split my knuckle punching toby. well, i hit his arm, then hit the wall. not that glorious. i also fell asleep on my living room floor when i got home from school. today, i rode todd's bus home! once again, not as glorious as it sounds... our bus is just retarded and the drivers are regularly abducted by aliens (our original driver has been missing for about 2 months now), so about once or twice a week, our bus route is split with some other routes. usually, i would take route 13 which comes at 3:15 which is a b*tch, so today i rode bus 8 -todd's bus- and got off at a stop where i can easily walk home. he totally kissed me in front of the entire bus population (which includes a bunch of his friends) when he got off to get on another bus. hehe. really, when a guy kisses you in front of his friends, it definately means something. i was given consent to re-do my brother's band's site, and i must say, it looks very spiffy. they finally changed their name from The Untitled (supra-lame [yea that's my new word don't steal it b!tches]) to Reverie (means day dreaming or something, much better choice). i kinda wish they weren't such dark & gloomy types so i could've added a bit more color to the site, but regardless it looks pretty good. check out my lovely work: http://reverie420.tripod.com link should work. i still want to put in a "hot older sister" joke or something, because, behold, i am the drummer's hot older sister.  and i'm so humble, i know.definately getting tired now, so i out like a fat kid in a dodgeball game. much love <3 ::mélawen:: 2005.03.20
here is this diary, i write you visions... so i just spent the past hour or so going through my old journals, only from this school year though. it started out as looking for instances of todd, because i'm a freak like that. then i find out i had a dream a while ago that actually foretold the FUTURE!!! not even kidding. crazy. actually a lot of past events foretold the future. or rather, my present, like right now. i'm like possesed by psychicness! or psychoness. hehe. ok, enough with the humor, because it wasn't really funny. i got all shaken and depressed because of all the things i wrote about. just recently has my life has been slowly starting to turn around. but i still haven't found everything i'm looking for. especially my No Doubt CD. where the bloody hell could it be??? i like never listen to it, but the other day i wanted to, and i noticed it was missing. it must've been missing for a really long time. gosh darnit. yes, i'm starting this thing that i kindof started a while ago, where i'm trying not to swear anymore. bloody hell is an exception because it's british swearing. lol. and i say damnit way too much to be fully rid of it. but everything else is banned from my vocabulary. ok, and damnation is just a great word.
oh man- just found a site on lacing your shoes. we were talking about converse shoes, (i'm so getting me some black & pink ones) and how it looks cool to lace them like straight across, ladder-like, instead of the traditional criss-cross thing. for your own shoe-lace entertainment, go here>> Ian's Shoelace Site! hehe. it's so great.
well i definately should go do my spanish homework. i hate sundays- there's that cloud over your head all day going "TOMORROW IS MONDAY! YOU HAVE SCHOOL!! HAHA!!" mondays suck. much love<3
::mélawen:: 2005.03.19
it's never good enough to feel fine ok, so lately, i've been really really self-concious-like. in the mornings when i'm getting ready, i always make sure i leave the house looking good. but as soon as i get to school, i worry; does this look good? is my hair alright, not all wavey-mess-like? do i have too much make-up on? not enough? not like i wear much, but sometimes, i just don't have confidence in the way i look. or i'll be real confident and happy all day, only to come home and look at myself and say, gosh, didn't know i looked like this all day.
so that's why i haven't felt like eating a lot lately. yea, i've been eating, no, i don't think i'm fat and could loose weight or anything like that. i just don't feel like eating. nothing appeals to me anymore. another thing bothering me is the way people think of me. i get it a lot, the "samm, you're so perfect, you're smart, you're pretty, you're talented, blah blah blah." really, i don't think i am. ok, so i've got a 4.0 GPA, i know i'm not hideous (but there are definately people much prettier than me), and ok, i'm pretty good at music stuff. but what does that prove? today's weather certainly knows how i feel. wet, cold, rainy, dreary, gray. 2005.03.18
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings i don't feel there is much to write about. things are overall pretty good, nothing happening that would be exciting to anyone else but me.  might be going to a movie saturday with todd, lauren & kyle. if lauren calls. or i call her. or whatever. yesh i should be rather excited but i'm just really tired right now. i fell asleep after school reading, while ron and his 'band' were practicing. i could do spanish homework, but that's what sunday nights are for. as you can see, or maybe you didn't notice, i added a ton of stuff to the side thingy over there >>>>> so look at it or feel my wrath of fury. (wtf?) and my counter is malfunctioning, so i got a new one, which also won't show up. figures. yesturday was terrible. i'll leave it at scott is back to being a jerk (no doubt his poor little ego is cracked because i don't like him anymore or something retarded like that) and mr lewis hates me and really needs to get a life, and grow up. teachers should not go around degrading students. seriously, he was all "we didn't have a good tempo because of the snare drum" all like "nyah nyah its your fault" i just made this face like "excuse me?" yea i was playing snare. i only messed up a ton because i was pissed and he started faster than i expected. and today, i played it near perfect. i actually got the triplets this time, thankyouverylittle. band is getting worse and worse each day. over the course of about a week, i have accumluated approximately 7 cuts on my fingers, just little things like scrapes and paper cuts, but it's ridiculous. am i that much of a klutz or what? pizza sounds really good right now, but we're not having pizza. who knows. ron's friends are over practicing for their band (whom is going to be very famous one day, says them) who knows when they're leaving. *sigh* boredom. so i guess i'll go find something to do. maybe watch one of me movies...pirates, harry potter, chicago, something i haven't seen in a while. ok, not chicago, or any other one of my musicals, because i do not want to be caught singing to them.  hehe. much love <3.mélawen. 2005.03.16
shatter i've already seen the That 70's Show episode currently playing, plus the tv is being screwy. which means, hopefully, one of them nice big plasma screens.  hehe.GUESS WHERE I WILL BE IN EXACTLY ONE MONTH!!!!! with mickey mouse!! and the marching band of [mostly] awesome people! in Disney World! in FLORIDA!!! where it's nice and warm and not snowing 24/7!!!! yey! less than a month left! today was tiring. but not because of work, more so lack thereof. before school, i was trying to follow kyle, todd, lauren & john's game of euchure, (some crazy michigan people card game, for all you lost illinois people like me) which i swear is the most confusing game ever. todd & john tried to explain it to me, but i was just like, "don't bother, i won't understand." 1st hour, we find there is an assembly for sophomores. (yey, skip spanish quiz i didn't study for!) some motivational speaker, who was actually pretty good, and quite funny. then 2nd hour, the assembly was held for juniors, and since i have band (the "junior" band) 2nd hour, i had to go again. it was ok, at least i could sit with todd both hours. but none-the-less, after sitting in comfy auditorium chairs for 2 & a half hours, you get pretty tired. then geometry, we just had a worksheet, which emily, rebekah & i pretty much b*s-ed our way through. "how do you figure this one out?" "i don't know, skip it!" then write down some random numbers. not like the teacher actually checks the homework, which is a good thing. especially because of my humor filled answers. for example: Question: "Jane has 20yd2 of carpet. Her room is 12 by 15 feet. Will the carpet cover it all? explain." My Answer: "No, because she only has 60ft2 of carpet and a 180ft2 room. The carpet would, however, serve as a nice area rug." hehe. i amuse myself. just like the other day when reading this problem: "Sarah is tiling her bathroom...so she can slit her wrists in the tub and kill herself!" hehe. as you can tell, the 2nd part was me. i get so morbid in geometry. even with the flying skull tesselation i made! oh, man, that class makes me mentally disturbed! weirdest thing happened earlier, i was reaching in the cabinet to get some chocolate when someting fell out and broke on the floor. it just so happened it was the jar of chocolate chips. well, only the lid broke, the actual jar was sitting nicely upright on the floor. major weirdness.
a week from tomorrow is spring break! yea! of course, i only get to go to illinois for like a day, but at least i get to go back at all. it seems that lately everything is working out for me here, but when it comes to illinois, someone just doesn't want me to go back. like an omen or something, like something crazy will happen when i go there, like someone will die...i hope it's...someone the world could really benefit from the loss of. heh. american idol is on in a bit! i voted for constantine twice last night! go me! he makes me so very happy! hehe no one will get it unless they watched the show last night, which no one does, so...yea. i bet katie t will get it . yesh i be going now...someone remind me i need $2. much love <3.mélawen. 2005.03.14
animé-ifying!!    http://abi-station.com/ me, me, and my brother animé-ified!! quite acurately, i think. especially that one of my bro- he actually looks like that! weirdness. (p.s., that's awesomeness radiating off me, and weird alien language radiating off ron) (btw, ron just got a hair cut that looks like tom delonge of Blink182. it's so coolness!!) so. it was a typical monday. not. it was actually pretty grand. just because... ...i be with todd!! and my grammar be out the window! hehe.but then alyssa had to go be her bytchy self and say all this stuff about me being... promiscuos, in a not-so-nice way though. and i am definately not promiscous. we'll leave that job to lauren, who now likes kyle and i suppose kyle likes her, since todd said he saw them holding hands. um? yea, it's messed up. whatever, poor kyle will be in shatters soon. i'll just sit back and say, we told you so. and man, do i feel sorry for schriber. (yes, i have feelings, i do care!) back to the subject first stated, i think alyssa is jealous, just because of the way she says it only when todd is around and because a while ago she kindof said she liked him, in a way. whatever, regardless, she needs a life. yea. i was being overly concieted today. yes, i'm awesome, but no, i don't need to point it out every 5 minutes. :/ ya. hehe. i think peoples with lesser knowledge (e.i., peoples in geometry) are angry with my geniousness. *sigh* why i must be overly intelligent is beyond me.
well...i'm being kicked off my the freak in the room next to mine, so i shall be going. nothing to do tonight, so someone call me. oh, nevermind, no one reads this so they wouldn't know to call me! much love<3
.mélawen. 2005.03.13
>< last night...probably the most exciting saturday night i've had in a long time. so friday night, i went to bed at like 9:30 (earlier than i do any school night) because i was really tired. so i woke up saturday morning around 9, having slept for almost 12 hours. go me. then did a bunch of chores i should hopefully be getting paid for. then, of course, mike's party. got there about 2:30, not a lot of people were there yet, no todd, no kyle. but laura & lauren were there, so i was talking to them for a bit. we mutually decided that since we never played DDR before, we'd do it together, so we didn't look stupid alone. so we were doing just that for a while, playing DDR and watching others play it. and i learned i have like no eye-foot coordination whatsoever. kyle came sometime after that...and todd came around 4. not much really happened. played halo2 a bit, there were 4 tvs & x-boxes hooked up, and 2 people on each. kyle & i were on a team for a bit, and i killed 4 people! kyle killed 46, so we won that round. hehe. then pizza, not much more happens, then cake, which was then things started picking up a bit... i sat down in this chair, watching people play DDR. then todd came & sat in the chair next to me to play halo2, moving it closer to me so he could "see the tv at the right angle". sure. then i watch him play halo2. watch in disgust as lauren slowly latches on to kyle. (and just friday i saw her arm-linked with some other random guy) she's what i'd like to call a "promiscuous flirt". right. played halo2 for a round because the guy next to todd left for a minute, and i killed 2 people in a row without dying! yey! new record for me! then things started to settle down, bunch of people (everyone minus the ppl playing halo2) went to watch a movie. a bit later, todd & i go watch it too, and are welcomed by the sight of more lauren & kyle-ness. right. not a lot of people were paying attention to the movie, they were just randomly talking and throwing little baby stuffed animals around. extremely funny part: there was this duck thing that quacked and was really annoying that someone had, and everyone was all "stop that noise!" and then someone was just like, "SHUT THE DUCK UP!" hehe. and then, at 10, all the girls had to leave. got a hug from todd! went home, mum asked about the party of course ("oh good! you finally have friends!" yes, thanks mum.) watched shrek2, went to bed. woke up this morning with nothing to do. went to the library to get the last of the Sweep books someone FINALLY returned. yey. for now, i'm out. much love <3 .mélawen. |
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