Currently Playing Spider-Man 2 - Music From And Inspired By By Various Artists see related

     i totally forgot i didn't write in here yesturday...DAH!! speakers/computer screwing up & ruining my music!

     having a major identity crisis! don't know who i am anymore, what i like, what i want, where i want to be. so cunfuzzeling. but hey, that's what being a teen in america's all about, right?

     so it's wednesday. this morning i think i dreamed or imagined my alarm clock going off, so i got up, pressed the sleep button, glanced at the time, then i was like, wait- 6:43? i don't need to wake up for another hour and a half-ish! my alarm didn't go off! weird moment of the day.

     in L.A., we did this journal thing on memories. she gave us like a topic of a memory, then we wrote about it. most of them made me think of jill. my former best friend. really sad to me, i totally regret not trying to fix whatever went wrong that we just fell apart so quickly. i don't even remember what it was we were fighting about, it was that stupid. but it's not like we wouldn't have grown apart anyway, really, since she was into lots of different stuff than i. but maybe we'd still be friends, who knows. we thought we'd be best friends forever. we planned a road trip across the country for our senior year together, getting as specific as how much money we'd need to raise each year prior to this trip. and of course, we planned our careers and weddings with random celebrities together, and of course, we'd invite eachother. *sigh*

     i'm considering joining some more sites, such as a poetry site for my poetry (duh) and maybe deviant art for my random & rare good artwork.

     well...got to go eat, call andrew (he's making me, of course it'd be nice to remember what his voice sounds like, lol), then maybe play my bass i haven't picked up in weeks, watch that 70's show, american idol, pray constantine made it, and then, sleep. mucho good. oh, and maybe study for a possible spanish quiz tomorrow. much love <3

.mélawen.

     typical tired monday. not much went on.

     except, of course, in band. with the absense of dan on saturday, there was much...homocidal thoughts. as i had mentioned last entry, dan didn't show up, would have to be something serious, since it's not exactly like dan to just not show up. so here we all are expecting something tragic, and what does he say? "i forgot." wtf? forgot? tell me you fell off a cliff! tell me you were near death, for christ's sake! don't tell me you simply forgot!!
     even more! "when do you realize you forgot?" "about 12:30" that was the time we were supposed to be there! we didn't even perform until 2!! "oh, couldn't get a ride home..." ridiculous. mrs roland had her bit to say too. let the whole damn band down. then of course, he had to go into mr lewis's office with him & mrs roland to have a nice chat, i'm sure. then i tell him to get away from me because i don't want to be within 5 feet of him, and he just laughs it off. FRIGGIN' IDIOT. when i'm pissed, i'm pissed. i'm not talking to him for a looong time. not even going to look at him.

     ANYWAY...people are annoying. there are only like 5 people i don't find annoying at school. ok, maybe more than 5...*mentally counts* yea. just about. that's sad. i just don't like people very much.

     american idol was on tonight, my faves bo, constantine & anwar did very good. going to vote for constantine as soon as i get off. 1-866-IDOLS-07. he needs another chance, even though i didn't think that performance tonight was very good. but anwar, oh man, he'll definately be in the top 3, if not the winner.

     anywho...not much else to say. i fascinated myself with my newfound talent of creating ambigrams, like this one here: (turn it upside down and it still says lauren)

     made it for lauren during L.A. class, when we were supposed to be reading. i also whipped out "Emily" real cool in geometry, and my name sortof works in a chain. will have to perfect it and scan it. i'm awesome, i know.
     more proof i'm awesome: some crazy postcard thing about the National Society of High School Scholars? whatever the heck that is. but i was nominated for it!

     well i believe that's all i've got to say. hopefully tomorrow will be a MUCH better day than today. (which btw is unlikely due to weather, it was like 50 degrees today, tomorrow it's only going to be 25. wtf?) 17 more days until spring break, peeps! much love <3

     i don't like my layout no more....so i came up with this great new idea that will be a ton less stressful to create than this sonofamonkeywhore layout. the colors are icky. the purple is icky. yea, i could always change it, but it's so freakin' cliché!! and my other idea includes mucho black, good for my varying font colors.

     band festival thingy was very retarded. especially the sight-reading part, all new to me, so i was like "wtf, mate? this is gay." and dan never showed, and being 1 of 4 percussionists, he's muy importante, so i was freakin' out. and scott was. and andrew seemed like whatever. and i called his cell and left a message like "you better be dying or i'll kill you myself" and then scott left one like "[censored]". lol. but yea, his ass is dead monday. maybe i wished death upon him for stalking me or something...oh well. one less thing to worry about. ; )
     band also meant happiness for about a half-hour talking to someone and his friend who used to be infatuated with me, but is annoying as hell in history. one of my interests at the moment. i may be infatuated now, but it would never work out in the long run. oh well. gotta have my fun at some point in life.

     and while i was gone, ron & almost-cousin t.j. went skiing. grr. i wanted to practice my non-existant snowboarding skills. and then we all (my family, aunt's family) went to the tobaggan run. fun stuff. we only paid for 2 rides, but actually went down 3 times because they never asked for the tickets. hehe.

     and now pizza is here!!! adios, muchachos! much love (for pizza) <3

.mélawen.

><edit><

ok, changed the layout. took like 10 minutes. go me! and i like it much better. yes, this background (as was the other one) was made ENTIRELY by me. i created the images myself; using a few magazines, scissors, and a scanner. i, am awesome.

     so finally made new layout today. used to be lighter and more pink, but that wasn't dark enough for me and too pink so i changed it. i still don't like it, but it will have to do for now, as i have to get to bed soon.

     went to the dmv today to get my permit. the dmv ladies smelled like old lady perfume, and of course had the crazy old lady 'bright red lipstick and bright blue eyeshadow' thing going on. eww.

     so now my aunt & family is over for the weekend. ok, she's not a real aunt, but my mom's long-time best friend and my brother's godmother. so she's like an aunt. anywho, watched dodgeball with my almost-cousins, and it was really stupid. a few funny parts, but for the most part, stupid. no wonder the guys like it.

     band festival thingy tomorrow. possibly snowboarding (alone, 'cause everyone else skiis) or tobagganing with the almost-cousins. fun stuff.

     now getting kicked off by the parentals. erg. of course, it is almost midnight. so goodnight all. much love <3

::mélawen::

*the print screen button is my lover*

 "Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening."

     thank goodness there's no school tomorrow.

     i told kyle. i was freakin' out in L.A., all like "kyle! omg! i need to tell someone! i'm going to explode!" then i had to tell him, because once he knows i need to say something, i have to tell him. todd was all "i'm a someone..." but, of course, i couldn't tell him. that would just...be bad. not to mention awkward. i hate being patient, waiting for things to play out themselves.

     took my driver's test today. 97 / 100, go me! i got my thingy to go to the DMV to get my permit. yey. glad it's all over. will miss it though. except now i get to watch all my shows regularly, and not miss constantine anymore.

     which reminds me, should i watch the o.c., or Reality Bites again before i have to take it back? ok, Reality Bites wins! This time, with subtitles. so i catch everything. i'm weird like that.

     ok, vanilla is taking over the world. or at least, the food part. vanilla coke. cherry vanilla dr pepper. vanilla mint toothpaste. vanilla créme frosted shredded mini-wheats. don't get me wrong, it's all good, in fact i have all of the above mentioned items in my house as we speak. it's just...vanilly...lol. of course, it's not like these items flavored chocolate would be good. that would be...eww. chocolate coke? who knows.

     ok, getting off. it's now 11, if i plan on watching this movie again and waking up early enough to go to the DMV and clean the remainder of the house before my aunt & family comes over, i should go. much love <3

     no time anymore! i haven't updated since like...saturday?? omg! hopefully i can stay on long enough for finish this one...

     first of all, everyone needs to see this movie:  Reality Bites, with Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke, Ben Stiller, & Janeane Garofalo. and this other guy you'll surely recognize. don't know his name. but anywho, it's awesome.

     considering cutting my hair reeeeaaaally short after graduation. not like ms davidson/ms benson-dyke short, just short. lol no one will understand but those of you who went to heritage grove middle school. *tear* regardless, i still have another 2.5 years to consider what i'd look like with short hair. then i don't have to mess with it during college. remember, it's really curly. yes/no? any input whatsoever?

     american idol results show tonight! my wonderful constantine made it! too bad i didn't get to see him perform monday. ;( hopefully there's a video of it on the site.

     driving test tomorrow- the written part and the driving part. extra stress! and the o.c.- i swear to freaking god i will murder people if my brother forgets to tape my dearest o.c.! i can't even call and remind him because we'll be taking the test! i will DIE if i don't see it! DIE!!!

     in other news, i gots me a secret that's DYING (whoa, alot of death in this entry) to get out of me! but i really can't tell anyone. of course ren knows, but what does it matter? she's in illinois! and there is no one else to tell. i either a) don't trust them, or b.....they will use it against me somehow and again, no trust. ARG.

     but who cares about me. thank goodness tomorrow is...last day of school this week! no school friday! woohoot! dah, getting yelled at. oh yea- got a new idea for my layout. hehe. so indecisive am i. much love <3

.mélawen.

p.s. remind me to once again reinstate why i hate people in my next entry.

     just watched last night's episode of the oc. and i cried. not because of what was happening in the show, though. but how it triggered every memory of the past year (and a half, omg) came rushing back to me. what a perfect episode for my heart to convince my head that it's definate, i never let go. i haven't moved on. i turned around, but never started walking away.
     all these signs lately, the songs playing in my head, my finding of that ring, my wearing of the ring, even constantine form american idol! and now this. is someone up there playing a cruel trick, forcing me to be reminded of it every moment of my waking hours? i can't take it anymore. i've got to pick up the phone, nevermind what the cost will be.

     *sigh* every song these days...EVERY song...reminds me of him. the part of him that is so far in the past now, but fails to be forgotten.

     don't feel like talking about anymore guys now. just told ren of all my crazy attractions to some 4? guys. 2 in particular. and shutting up now. no one else needs to know. 
     of course if you were previously viewing my xanga, you'd know a vague lot about one of 'em. my strange attraction to a...FRESHMAN. *gasp* but now that i think of it, i don't think i really like him, don't know much of him, he's just cool. just a cool, mildly attractive freshman. good thing no one would know (or ever will know) who i'm talking about. hehe.

     when my daddy gets home i'm going to the library! possibly driving there myself.  hehe. my poor parents now have to deal with my moving the seat up and messing with all the mirrors to accomodate my shortness.
     but back to the library part: going to get the next 2 books in this lovely series. i have come to realize they are the last 2 books in the series. which is absolutely devastating. what will i do without my head filled with morgan and hunter and crazy anchient Gaelic words? oh dear. life as i know it is ending!

     not much else to say, so i will work on this layout of mine. of course i have all night since parents will be at the Motley Crue concert and reymundo (ron) will be at...somewhere with his crush. 7th grade love, it's so cute! much love <3

.mélawen.

     aye. thank goodness friday is tomorrow. in which my parents may be going to a motley crue concert.  yes, you read correctly. my mum- the hard-rocker at heart. i think i've mentioned her liking ac/dc when she was younger. not that there's a problem with it, but if you knew my mum, you wouldn't be able to tell.

     anywho...i don't think diet cherry coke, however muy delicious y refreshing, has enough caffeine to make my tiredness cease. if i didn't have driver's ed tonight, i'd be in bed by 7. seriously. ok, no, 8, s i could record the o.c. point pleasant is not on tonight.
     speaking of driver's ed...my almost-permit has been upgraded! i don't have to drive in residential only anymore! because i did muy bien on my drive yesturday on the freeway.  go me. and despite my mum's opinion, i don't think it was because she made me go through every cul-de-sac in the subdivision to 'practice turning'. *sigh* mothers.

     yesturday i FINALLY got the guts to say, "dan, stop following me." he was all, "oh fine you don't like me i'll leave you alone" in which i then responded, "no, i just don't like being followed, it's annoying." and thus the daily 'dan following me every single moment i'm in sight' has ended. *sigh of mucho relief*
     and then he goes and tells shawn, making it sound like i bitched him out or something. *shakes head* men.

     yey for constantine! he looked so nervous last night on the results show, i was like "no, you're awesome you can't go!" and of course he didn't because, once again, he's awesome. ryan seacrest, on the other hand, is not. he needs a life. so does that melinda chick who, when told of losing, just stood there like "you're friggin' kidding me, right?" women are so emotional. me, i'd be like, "oh. that's disappointing. i'll just move on and continue my job at the record store." of course, before being kicked off, i'd make super good friends with the people i think are going to win, so when they're all rich & famous, they invite me to thier house parties.  and maybe meet a hot guy who can sing, (example: constantine) because those are rare and very mucho attractive.

      today was like the first day in a terribly long time that i didn't do my chem homework. i haven't not done any part of my homework since....dear, it's been so long i can't remember. maybe algebra 2 last year, there was probably a day i didn't do it. yesh, my lazy side whipped my perfectionist side. oh well! i still have me a 4.0, for reasons unbeknownst to me, and mostly everyone else on this earth. i am just that awesome.

     and now to stop boring everyone! actually, i think my writings are quite entertaining. but that's my thoughts, not yours. so goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow! much love <3

.mélawen.

(note: the last 2 lines where both the closing lines of newscast parodies [not the 'much love' part, thats all me mind you], if you can at least get the 2nd one, grab yourself a cookie. the 1st one, you wouldn't know unless you lived here and listened to the only good radio station around)